It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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