the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
