he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
