4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Define "chronic" masturbator.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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