I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
