I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
