woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
