My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need a beard to bite.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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