i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
