Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
