You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
barbara walters just said penis...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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