I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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