Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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