i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
