You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
