ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
