Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
