I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
