He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
