I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
