i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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