we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
