yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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