i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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