it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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