i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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