I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
