i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
