Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
