Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
