you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
