party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
