I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The adults are the big ones right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
