Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She bit a glass in half.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
