don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
