Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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