You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
