And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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