my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
