I faked an abortion last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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