He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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