Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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