I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm just crazy horny about you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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