I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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