this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
