How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
