Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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