You're completely useless in the revolution.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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