id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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