I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
