1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
