I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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