Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
