It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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