I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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