Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No I am not eating basil off your cock
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
