I will die if light touches me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
