if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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