She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
