but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
