Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The power of my boobs compel you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
