you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
