there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
