how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
