dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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