it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
