So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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